What to Do

Kerry is in having cataract surgery # 1 this morning. I’m waiting in the car for the next 2 hours watching a light drizzle outside (thankfully keeping it cool) and I‘m deciding how to use this unusual car-bound quiet time. I’m not at home looking around seeing unfinished tasks, nor the things needing to be returned to their place. The dishwasher blinking its green light still telling me to come unload it. My desk with my “special piles” so I can keep up with “things”. (Keeping the Out of sight, Out of mind philosophy at bay.) I can say with delight I did mop the floors this morning pre-surgery so the fuzzies and dust bunnies aren’t floating around when we get home. I figure that is good for post-operative care. Yah!

So what to do with this time. I refuse to squander it in the scroll hole and will fight temptation to take a nap. I wonder if I get Brownie points for being prepared. I brought a book to read, my study notebook, my Bible and journal, note cards to color and new notebooks to get better organized. Sounds kind of impressive… or maybe it’s a symptom of being non-committal. The desire to keep my options open runs deep within me. Somehow it makes me feel like I’m not boxed in and actually it fans my flame of being adventurous and I usually gravitate in that direction. But I’m learning, well actually have learned, that having a plan of action can be good and serve me better. Serve others better. To exchange the time and energy of uncertainty for focus and clarity is so much more freeing than being non-committal. The goal is how to do that while leveraging it with adventure. Hmmm… good question.

Sometimes there’s a tension inside feeling the need to “Do” when I’m tired of Doing. I can say to myself, “Get busy. Don’t be lazy” yet in just a bit realize how good it feels to sit down because I’ve been on my feet for hours. What determines if we’ve had a “successful” day? What is the bar that we compare ourselves to? (Red Flag – “Compare”) Is it what I’ve accomplished? If I’ve gone through my check-off list? Had a great convo? Connected with my family? Unloaded the dishwasher? It seems like I, and maybe We, connect success in our day mostly with things. Sometimes things need to be the priority, but not always. The “Doing” doesn’t counterbalance the “Being”. When I operate from my “Being” then what to “Do” reveals itself. And it makes more sense than my non-committal randomness in which I’ve felt much too comfortable. (More on that at a later time!) A wise friend told me yesterday that sometimes we need to tell our “Do-er Heart” Thank you for helping us do so much but now it can be quiet and take a rest. To stop having to Do and lean into something deeper. And more about Being. I’m taking that to heart. (pun intended) Knowing what to do and when to do it is far greater and brings greater impact than just “doing”. {At this point my mind is spinning off in so many directions that I just made a list of 14 topics for later pondering in words.}

As I started this today I wanted to invest my time and not waste it because time is a precious gift and we are not guaranteed the next moment so I’m trying to waste less of it. And since they just called to say my sweet hubby is doing well and ready to go I realize my time was not wasted. Praying. Texting with a friend just diagnosed with breast cancer. Sitting and being OK with doing what I committed to do by learning to better use my voice. Breaking the walls of staying comfortable. Success is not determined by how perfectly these things were done but that they were done and came from the place of my “Being”. And that feels much better and life-giving than a check-off list. So I wonder what I’ll do next week for cataract surgery # 2 ???